How Did I Fall Into Kpop? (And Why Didn't I Fall In Sooner?)

If you know me or have seen my personal Instagram @schmikayla23 then you’ll know that I am currently obsessed with Kpop, and BTS especially.

Before I get into some of my many BTS thoughts (to come in another post), here are some of my thoughts and realizations about myself and my “past”, I guess you could say. In this time of society and COVID and quarantine and all of us realizing our own internalized racism, I thought I’d be honest and share something I've been thinking about a lot.

First of all, I've been wondering how this started. How I fell into Kpop. It kind of started as a branch off from Mandarin language dramas. I also found Korean-American singer Eric Nam, who has a full English album which I LOVE (Before We Begin), but he’s big in Kpop in South Korea, so that led me down a whole bunch of other Kpop stuff. (He is a gem and full of memes too so check him out.) Also finding out that the Asian American dance group/members of the dance group The Kinjaz choreographed a bunch of Kpop stuff but especially Chinese Kpop singer/rapper Jackson Wang’s solo stuff. Jackson Wang and Galantis’ “Pretty Please” is really where it all started.

This is evidenced by my personal Instagram in which I posted a dance video, the first dance video I have ever actually posted (besides my CDP). Anyway, I was obsessed with that dance and the video, and just everything about it. It was feeding my soul and was just so aesthetically pleasing. So... Jackson Wang. Who I also vaguely remembered from watching Super Idol, which was a reality competition show that had a couple Chinese drama actors that were in Meteor Garden (my first Chinese drama obsession). So it was a bunch of stuff that led me to Kpop. It was inevitable. Oh! And of course, BTS making the news and my ear holes every 20 minutes with “Dynamite”. That also threw me down the BTS hole.

Secondly, I keep thinking about how I could’ve jumped on this Kpop thing earlier. I had a friend in grade 7 who was really into it. She showed me some videos and there was one I really liked, "Wolf" by EXO. Then that was it, I didn't listen to any more Kpop. Except for the Wong Fu Productions and Ryan Higa Kpop parody collab songs (Dong Saya Dae and Who's It Gonna Be). There was a whole culture and stigma around people who loved anime and Kpop and how it wasn't really "cool". Or at least that was the impression I had. I feel like it's only really becoming "accepted" and mainstream now. Even at that, I don’t know if that’s true or if it's just about finding pockets of other cool people who like what you like. But regardless, BTS is taking over the world. And I’m here for it.

They've had a bunch of big articles written about them - there was a Wall Street Journal article titled "Why BTS Runs The World", they were named TIME's Entertainer of the Year 2020, they were nominated for a Grammy (!!!) for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance for "Dynamite", they have topped the Billboard Hot 100 Chart so many times in the past year - with both their English song "Dynamite" and their mostly Korean language song "Life Goes On", they came out with 2 albums in 2020 (Map of the Soul: 7 and BE). So yeah, you could say they're doing pretty well. So I've been thinking about how I didn't join, but could’ve joined, this fandom earlier, before their massive success.

I saw them and sort of knew of them before this big spike with "Dynamite". I heard of BTS around 2016 when those Wong Fu Productions Kpop videos came out, maybe even a bit earlier, but never listened to any of their stuff. Then around 2018 or 2019-ish, they had already been pretty big in North America for a few years but at the time, when I first saw them, I didn’t jump on board. My mom was like “wow look, my friends are talking about them and I’ve heard about them” etc, and we watched a video and I was like “nah. They look like girls, I don’t like them.” (Yes, I cringe at this thought now. Ugh.) I think the video we watched was when they performed "Boy With Luv" featuring Halsey. Or maybe I saw "Fake Love" even before that, I'm not sure. Anyway, I was not on board. Jump forward a year or 2, even though it seems like it was way longer than that, and I LOVE them. They are inspiring and incredibly talented, adorable, humble, beautiful people (at least from what I’ve gathered from all the content I’ve absorbed). So THAT.

A year ago, 5 years ago, this wasn’t "cool". Even now, I get super excited about BTS and Kpop and nerd out about it and it’s still kind of “other”. Like I'm that Asian girl. But it's becoming less and less "other" or "weird" because we’re seeing the Kpop Musical and of course BTS taking over the American music charts. But, yeah. I had a whole idea around what this was, and how it “wasn’t cool” or it was “too mainstream” for me or whatever - because of course we've all heard about how the BTS fandom, or at least segments of it, can be super intense. And the music wasn’t in English so it was like “ok whatever”, but I do remember the chorus of “Boy With Luv” sticking in my head after watching that performance. At the time, I also didn’t realize the dancing was as amazing and intricate as it is, and that the aesthetics and concepts of all these Kpop groups and albums and comebacks are so phenomenal. They’re huge.

Of course I have some mixed feelings about Kpop and the industry it because so much of it is corporate and manufactured, and information about the ways some companies treat their artists are kind of sketchy, but generally, mad respect to the artists. Mad respect to BTS especially.

But THIS. My hesitance or resistance to get into BTS. A prime example of my internalized racism and sexism and misogyny and all that garbage.

So I guess what I’m saying is to go check out some Asian content. Kpop, Mandopop, Kdramas, Chinese dramas. There’s tons of stuff on Netflix, and of course on any music streaming platform. I’m also super curious what non-Asians who maybe aren’t so used to these looks or ideas or cultures or “cultural concepts” (if I can call it that) think about them. (Haha surprise surprise, everything is a sociological study with me.)

If you have thoughts or wanna discuss it, you know where to find me :)

IG: ccdramaqueen

Email: chinesecanadiandramaqueen@gmail.com