Dance and My Identity as a Chinese Canadian

I am incredibly lucky to have grown up dancing. I started dancing when I was 2 and a half years old and that was it for me. Besides just the accessibility to the arts and impact that dancing in general has had on me as a person and as a student, the specific dance studio where I grew up plays a huge part in my life. It's a studio run by Chinese Canadians, and it was filled with other kids like me, Canadian born Chinese kids. Generally 1st or 2nd generation kids. They offer Chinese dance among all the other styles that you would expect a dance studio to have (ballet, tap, jazz, hip hop, acro, lyrical, contemporary). Yes, I did take all of them at some point in my 15 years there. But Chinese dance is something that will stick with me forever.

I've discovered that because I grew up doing Chinese dance since the age of 4 or 5, I'm proud of my Chinese heritage. It isn't something that I'm ashamed of or ever felt like I was trying to hide. I also grew up in Vancouver around more Asians, and was surrounded by Chinese Canadians like me at my dance studio. For Chinese New Year, we would do public performances at malls and in Chinatown and I would invite my school friends to come watch. While we were waiting to perform, we would have random people asking for pictures with us and telling us we looked really beautiful. I was proud of what I was doing and I wanted everyone to see it. Even at school, I was excited for Chinese New Year. In elementary school, I remember bringing candies to share with my class and wearing my cheongsam to school. I loved it. I still do. I brought my music theatre class red envelopes with gold coins in them for Chinese New Year this year.

Now, being older, I wish I was even more connected to my Chineseness but I'll take what I can get for now. I currently speak French, from years of French Immersion schooling, but I don't really speak any Mandarin or Cantonese. I took Chinese school when I was little but not much of it stuck with me. Snacks and food are a big part of what I perceive as my Asian childhood. Pocky, various cracker snacks, the White Rabbit candies with the edible paper, the strawberry hard candies in the bright red packaging, the Koala snacks I would get when I would go get a haircut, and especially the sour plum suen mui hard candies. The list goes on, from buns to desserts to dim sum to the variety of things my yeh yeh (grandpa) would bring me when he would pick me up from elementary school. My exclusive want for Clubhouse sandwiches at Chinese restaurants. Chinese lemon chicken. BBQ pork. Anyway, my point is, I love being Chinese and I wouldn't ask for anything else.

From hearing other Asians' experiences growing up, I don't think a lot of people have the experience that I was lucky enough to have. I've heard people talk about how they would want "normal" lunches instead of noodles or that they were ashamed of being Asian and wished they were white. I don't think I've ever felt that way, and I am so grateful for that. I also didn't really receive typical Asian lunches, but my Dad did make me the most deluxe sandwiches that had their own Asian influence. My favourite was the BBQ pork sandwiches on ciabatta bread, YUM. But I am so thankful for the experience and confidence that Chinese dance has given me and I am so grateful for all the people I've met along the way.

Thank you VAD <3

And thanks to my parents who forced me to stay in dance through those first years when I was kicking and screaming and crying <3